1. Squatting in jeans is always a risky move
    Maybe shoes shouldn't live so close to the ground.
  2. Never save oldest pair of jeans as last clean jeans
    Or... Only remaining pair.
  3. Having a jeans day at work is ruined when you can't wear jeans
    The dress code of hell is business casual.
  4. I have earned myself 1 month of weight-gain paranoia
    Hit gym, hit Jim Beam, repeat.
  5. At least I get to go shopping?
    I will only buy jeans that promise to never embarrass me.
  6. RIP jeans
    It's a pun! Get it? Eh?