Things my ex-boyfriends all have in common

I keep making the same mistakes but at least with each progressive relationship it takes me slightly less time to realise I've done it again.
  1. Charisma
    Everyone thinks they're great. I think they're great. When it goes bad, only I know they're a fucked up character and everyone else still just thinks they're great.
  2. No resources
    I understand some people are working towards something and ultimately money is not the main thing, but I have always always dated men with less money than me, and I don't earn a lot of money.
  3. Having clear opinions on how to disperse resources
    Lack of money never meant lack of raised eyebrows and unsolicited input into how I, earner of said resources, chose to spend them. Even when it was buying those poor fuckers breakfast.
  4. Starting off feminist but that was a lie
    First they say they think women and men should be equal, then they begin to reveal their assumptions about your true nature as a woman, then they hit you with a cheeky "not all men"
  5. Grand romantic gestures
    In place of day to day reliability and shared hopes and dreams for the future: flowers, poetry, crying, dramatic statements.
  6. Wild jealousy with little to no grounds
    Personal favourite: coupled with "you're lucky to have me".
  7. Stalking
    Just what it says on the box. Low-key: unfriend on social media. Mid-strength: no further replies to text messages. Full-blown: change your phone number, your address, your family's phone numbers.