7 REASONS TO STAY COOL WITH YOUR EX AFTER A BREAKUP
by Sarah Stevens ~ Here’s why it’s worth avoiding the insults (if you can) and trying to be nice to your ex, even if the wound is still pretty fresh. Read the full story here: http://bit.ly/1NG1Z6D
- •Being nasty doesn’t fix what happenedOne-upping your ex in conversations or conflicts does not create for you or restore to you the independence from the relationship that you desire. I found myself hoping that if I got in one last word, that I would feel like the stronger one. There were some really unhealthy dynamics to our relationship (hence its failure) so I had a very real need to regain some autonomy. The harder I tried to establish this autonomy by using clever words or sassy come-backs, the less independent I felt.
- •Your rage (even if it’s rightful) won’t change their mind about the splitBeing anything except nice is not going to solve anything. You broke up because you disagreed on what felt like too many things. Chances are, no matter how much you talk things out or fight or scream, you’re still going to disagree. The uglier you get, the more pronounced those differences become. You’re never going to succeed in changing the other person’s mind just because you tried to be louder or talk longer.
- •Being nice to others means you’re nicer to yourselfIt feels nice to be nice. It actually doesn’t matter to whom. When I know that I’ve chosen to be kind, I feel good about myself. It’s kind of addicting.
- •Your ex has feelings, tooI know. I know. There are times when you could swear that your ex must be some sort of non-human forest creature (think sasquatch) or an emotionless alien robot, but the truth of the matter is that they’re not. They got feels too. You know that because you were with them for a reason. Try to respect that if you can.
- •It speeds up the healing processThe moment you choose to believe that you are still great without being attached to your ex, the faster you will notice the really beautiful things in the world. Revenge is nothing but a preoccupation. It’s a distraction. You want options.
- •It leaves the door open in the event, however unlikely, that you might get back togetherThis may seems far-fetched when you’re in the “Never, ever, ever getting back together” dregs of a breakup. You may not ever marry your ex, but, if you’re nice, it won’t be hard to ask for help or build friendships with them or the people close to them down the road. Keep those bridges well constructed.
- •It speaks well of youWhen you choose to be nice, you are also showing yourself to be trustworthy, stable (because let’s be real, being vengeful isn’t cute), approachable and safe.If you embrace the strength it takes to be nice when your heart has been broken, you’re not only making it easier on yourself in the long run, you’re saying that you’re the kind of sane, cool person that anyone would want to date.