"SEXY" THINGS THAT ARE NEVER ACTUALLY SEXY

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  1. 1.
    Horseback riding
    Nothing says outdoorsy, up-for-anything raw sexiness quite like a ride atop a giant horse!
  2. 2.
    Car washes
  3. 3.
    Copious lip gloss
    Maybe this is just us, but putting on a lot of lip gloss seems to lead to many things and those things are not sex.
  4. 4.
    Changing into something more comfortable
    Just this little 'ol strappy lingerie thing that cuts off my airflow and sticks in my butt and is so much more comfortable than that outfit of normal clothes that I was wearing during our date.
  5. 5.
    Being in the pool/getting out of the pool
  6. 6.
    Eating hamburgers
    But first slipping into something more comfortable.
  7. 7.
    Smoking
  8. 8.
    Wind
    Oh you know, nothing really says DTF like some good gusts of air blowing your sexiness around.
  9. 9.
    Sexy shower time