I think the solution to all of these is just "be thinner and more naturally beautiful" but I like to pretend I have some control here. Also it occurs to me that these lies are all mostly perpetrated by the J Crew catalog so if anyone knows Jenna pls give her a wtf on my behalf.
  1. Messy topknots
    I want to look like I should be eating a super cool brunch, but instead I look like I'm about to do a 1980s mud masque in my terry cloth bathrobe
  2. Sneakers with dresses
    Instead of looking like an up-for-anything cool girl I look like a sad hippie, or a Career Woman who changes into sneakers for her commute home
  3. Jumpsuits
    I want to look like April from TMNT (the cartoon not the awful reboot) but instead I look like Dan Aykroyd in Ghostbusters II. Heels don't help.
  4. Literally all jewelry
    Everyone else's necklaces are so seamlessly integrated into their ~overall looks~ and when I wear a necklace it's like the neck version of a small child wearing grown-up marabou mules
  5. Hats
    Seriously what is the secret to wearing a non-winter hat without looking like a complete dickweed
  6. Layering and rolling (sleeves and pant legs).
    Again with the J Crew mythology: jeans rolled "just so", a tissue thin tank, a crisp button down peeking out from the (rolled) sleeves of a chunky knit, a coat casually over the shoulders. I just can't get it right!!!!
    Suggested by @AlexandraLouise
  7. Side French Braid
    Done messy to look "effortless" but French braiding is hard! And makes most of us like like we are 6 years old. In a bad way.
    Suggested by @BergerQueen