THINGS I WANT TO TRY BUT ALSO AM DEEPLY TERRIFIED OF

  1. Facial plastic surgery
    I'd like whoever did the Olsen twins' noses to do mine. But it's my FACE! What if it goes wrong?!
  2. Skydiving
    It looks SO FUN but I'm not sure I could ever bring myself to literally fall out of a plane on purpose.
  3. Most drugs
    A junior high health teacher once told my class that one in a hundred people who try cocaine just die instantly. Pretty sure that is a giant lie, but it still totally freaked me out.
  4. Colonic irrigation
    I'm fat enough that I don't imagine it would make an iota of visible difference, but I'm fascinated by it anyway. I bought a groupon for one like six years ago but chickened out.
  5. Bleaching my hair white
    I think I might look great? But my hair is so fine and babylike that I'm also scared it will all just burn off
  6. Skateboarding and surfing
    I'm too old and not cool enough and I will hurt myself