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They changed their scent without any warning and now I'm stuck with two giant bottles of obnoxiously sweet goop to begrudgingly work through. I blame Selena Gomez.
  1. "If cotton candy were a person and they crammed in next to you on the subway on a hot day."
  2. "Cause of death: Drowning in a vat of cereal milk made purely from Froot Loops."
  3. "Doing lines of pixie sticks."
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I am a fully grown, adult woman who went to play trampoline dodgeball for my fully grown, adult birthday. After 55 minutes of pure, bouncy bliss, 20 of my closest friends watched me tear my ACL like the graceful, fully grown, adult woman that I am. Now I'm waiting to have knee surgery and these are the things that plague my mind.
  1. That I won't be able to shower for days afterwards.
    I'm a germaphobe. The idea of leaving a hospital and not being able to immediately sanitize my entire body is already sending my anxiety through the roof. 😳
  2. That the doctor will accidentally amputate my leg.
    "They mark the leg!" Sure, they'll know to operate on the left leg but nobody specified what the operation was for!... 😳
  3. That I'll contract some kind of antibiotic-resistant infection (See: Inability to bathe post-hospital visit.) and the doctor will have to intentionally amputate my leg.
    My concerns are very circular. One way or another, that doctor's gonna take my leg! 😳
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