Things I Imagine Pantene Used As Thought-Starters To Develop Their New Scent
They changed their scent without any warning and now I'm stuck with two giant bottles of obnoxiously sweet goop to begrudgingly work through. I blame Selena Gomez.
- •"If cotton candy were a person and they crammed in next to you on the subway on a hot day."
- •"Cause of death: Drowning in a vat of cereal milk made purely from Froot Loops."
- •"Doing lines of pixie sticks."
- •"Attacked simultaneously by all the body sprays at Victoria's Secret."
- •"Whatever the Lucky Charms leprechaun's shit smells like."
- •"The exact scent necessary to make a 30-something lifelong customer of ours realize that she's no longer part of our demo and that our priority is appealing to teenage girls instead." 🙄