IT'S YA BOY STANNIS: MY ATTEMPT AT A TWITTER PARODY ACCOUNT
A couple months ago I had the brilliant idea of making a Stannis Baratheon parody Twitter account. Never actually made it, but here are the ideas I had for tweets. (PLEASE BE NICE TO ME I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN 😩)
- •Day 3456: Still not King. Yet.
- •*checks phone* 5 missed calls; 10 new texts. From guess who. That's right. Davos. Clearly I should have chopped off the fingers of his other hand while I was at it.
- •I think Selyse likes Melisandre better than me. I'd worry about it if I actually cared about Selyse. Or Melisandre.
- •Should probably warn servants not to make any suggestions to Melisandre re: her wardrobe lest they desire the Lord of Light to have need of them.
- •It is damned cold here in the North, why did no one tell me to pack a damned CLOAK. The fires of my righteous rage can only keep me warm for so long.
- •"They say Stannis never smiles." Damn right. Smiling is for the weak.
- •Must ask Davos to stop styling himself as my hype man whenever we enter a room or meet someone new.
- •Pleased to see that my teeth are still flawless despite all the grinding. NO YOU CAN'T SEE THEM. THAT WOULD REQUIRE SMILING.