An ongoing list of things to not do on an airplane

  1. Push your call button
    Need a drink? That shit can wait. Having a heart attack? DING DING DING. We assume the worst when we hear a call bell go off. It's not to get a napkin or tell us the cabin is too cold. Y'all could walk to get to the bathroom when the fasten seatbelt sign is on, you can trek on up there to ask for your extra cranberry juice.
  2. Wear socks to the LAV
    The wet stuff on the floor.. Not water.
  3. Act like you don't know that flight attendants are taking drink orders.
    You're smarter than that. I've got my tray, I've got my napkins and a pen. What the hell else would I be doing? I'm not your personal scribe.
  4. Start figuring out what you want when the flight attendant is standing over you.
    We've done this before. You know what you like. Let's not make this anymore difficult than it needs to be.
  5. Complain about the prices to the flight attendants.
    Let me stop everything to go tell all of the teams it takes to figure out how to price everything to tell them how ridiculous the prices are. That'll fix it.
  6. Bring a suitcase that is bigger than the accepted dimensions!
    Come on..
  7. And then complain when I have to check your bag at the gate.
    YOU determined the fate of your bag. If it doesn't fit, it's going under. For free! Our gift to you.