KIMMY SCHMIDT'S COMEBACKS
I rewatched Unbreakable and decided to write down every time Kimmy uses a 1990s comeback. Why, you ask? Because I have zero responsibilities for the next 72 hours.
- •But I survived, because that's what women do...I came to New York with nothing. I found Titus and Lillian and you. I got a room and a job and a temporary tattoo that says "you're grape!" And tonight I'm going to dinner with a guy who wears hats with brims that go all the way around! I do understand the world. It's tough, but so are we.
- •Xanadu! You're grounded! ...By the power vested in me as an adult who is a grown-up, you are grounded!
- •I know you are, but what am I?!Said in response to Xan telling her she's going to find out Kimmy's secret and destroy her.
- •I had a cellphone, Xan, obvs! But I lost it at the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan, the monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days!
- •Of course there is, Xan! Phones have maps of Ohio and I knew both those things before now!
- •Why am I rubber and you're glue!?Said in response to Xan's question "why are you so weird?"
- •Hey, Xan, 2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth!
- •Bonus: Kimmy and Titus are at a fancy cafe and the waitress brings over water and Kimmy thanks her by saying what she thinks is French for thank you: "Beyoncé"Not a comeback but one of my favorite lines from the show
- •Xan says what? (Xan: What?) thought so!
- •Ya BURNT!
- •Hey Xan, (Xan says "what" at the same time Kimmy does) Jinx! *Kimmy makes explosion noise*
- •Guest comeback: Your experiences are not universal! - Dong
- •A female dog? The thing that makes puppies? Nice compliment, Xan!In response to Xan calling Kimmy a bitch