KIMMY SCHMIDT'S COMEBACKS

I rewatched Unbreakable and decided to write down every time Kimmy uses a 1990s comeback. Why, you ask? Because I have zero responsibilities for the next 72 hours.
  1. But I survived, because that's what women do...I came to New York with nothing. I found Titus and Lillian and you. I got a room and a job and a temporary tattoo that says "you're grape!" And tonight I'm going to dinner with a guy who wears hats with brims that go all the way around! I do understand the world. It's tough, but so are we.
  2. Xanadu! You're grounded! ...By the power vested in me as an adult who is a grown-up, you are grounded!
  3. I know you are, but what am I?!
    Said in response to Xan telling her she's going to find out Kimmy's secret and destroy her.
  4. I had a cellphone, Xan, obvs! But I lost it at the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan, the monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days!
  5. Of course there is, Xan! Phones have maps of Ohio and I knew both those things before now!
  6. Why am I rubber and you're glue!?
    Said in response to Xan's question "why are you so weird?"
  7. Hey, Xan, 2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth!
  8. Bonus: Kimmy and Titus are at a fancy cafe and the waitress brings over water and Kimmy thanks her by saying what she thinks is French for thank you: "Beyoncé"
    Not a comeback but one of my favorite lines from the show
  9. Xan says what? (Xan: What?) thought so!
  10. Ya BURNT!
  11. Hey Xan, (Xan says "what" at the same time Kimmy does) Jinx! *Kimmy makes explosion noise*
  12. Guest comeback: Your experiences are not universal! - Dong
  13. A female dog? The thing that makes puppies? Nice compliment, Xan!
    In response to Xan calling Kimmy a bitch