ABOUT LAST NIGHT

Can I preface this by saying I don't think intestinal diseases are funny and if you have one, I support you.
  1. Last night I went on a date
    It's cuffing season, after all.
  2. Things were going well
    He was really weird and I mean that as a compliment.
  3. We were talking about cheese
    Because what else do you talk about on a date?
  4. He said cheese was a basic white girl thing to like.
    Cheese?! Basic?! I can't name one person who doesn't like cheese. Hell, even lactose intolerant people like cheese. Also what's REALLY basic is saying "basic white girl thing," if we're going to start categorizing. I said none of this.
  5. I defended myself by saying the man at the specialty cheese shop knows me by name and if he wants to talk a quality Dorset cheese get at me.
  6. This is not the story.
  7. I said "I totally get it though. It's just like all these people who read something on WebMD about gluten allergies and now suddenly everyone has Crohn's. There's no way all these people have Crohn's."
    I mean, do I not have a point? Although why I could only think of the word Crohn's remains unclear.
  8. He looked at me square in the eye and said "I have Crohn's"
    If a record could have screeched in this moment it probably would have.
  9. I thought he was kidding so I replied "HAHAHAHA YEAH. YEAH. YOU HAVE CROHN'S AHAHAHA"
    A genuine hearty laugh, because really, what are the chances?
  10. Then he said "no seriously, I had to have surgery for the Crohn's."
    This was my range of emotions in emoji form: 😐😟😮😲
  11. Then this song played: http://bit.ly/1O8tJQF
    It didn't. But it could have.