ON GETTING TOGETHER FOR COFFEE WITH AN EX ONLY TO DISCOVER HE'S MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY

To quote Jusin Bieber, "what do you mean?" (cc: @rossleclair)
  1. THE LEAD UP
  2. Let me preface this by saying, this would not even be a thing had he not sent me an email LISTING six old memories he had of us and then asking if we could meet up for coffee or drinks after not talking for seven months.
    Never write SIX SEPARATE MEMORIES IN LIST FORM unless you're looking to rekindle. As we all know from this app, listing is sacred. And as far as I was concerned, he no longer lived in NY.
  3. I responded like any normal woman would, by asking him if he was only reaching out because Adele has a new album out
    Fair question. Also, I'm not going to fight cuffing season. I'm all in.
  4. Then he said "let's set fire to the rain" (I don't have an excuse for this, besides the fact it's part of his charm) and sent me an Aloe Blacc song titled "You Make Me Smile"
    If you think I'm not gonna read into that, you don't know me at all.
  5. THE MEET UP (my thoughts, in order of appearance)
  6. "I should get there early and just be reading a book, to look unaffected and nonplussed upon his arrival"
    I got there late. But he was later.
  7. "How long has he been pining over me to send such a well-thought out email?"
    He used a semi-colon. Do people even know where that is on a keyboard anymore? Wow. Wooooooow.
  8. "Is this dress too revealing for 11am on a Saturday?"
    Yes.
  9. "He still looks good - has he not been crying over losing me for 7 months straight?"
    Red flag.
  10. "This casual chatting is fun and all, but when is he going to break out in song and serenade me with Jackson 5's 'I Want You Back'?"
    I love a song and dance number
  11. "Wait did he just CASUALLY MENTION he's moving to San Francisco IN LESS THAN A MONTH? Is this why we're here?!"
    Yes.
  12. "Thank god I took theater in high school."
    How many times can I say "This is so exciting! Are you excited?" before he stops believing me.
  13. "I look dumb in this dress"
    I didn't. I looked 💯
  14. "Okay. Bye forever, I guess"
    Is this what the Mets felt like after losing the World Series last night? I've never been more disappointed. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T PLAY SPORTS.
  15. "This is what you get for being hopeful. You're a fool."
    I'll take unrealistic expectations for $1000, Alex. Also, my ego is a BITCH apparently.
  16. "I'm going to write him an email letting him know my thoughts. He was selfish."
    HEATHER. STOP. NO. Is this necessary? Homeboy is moving.
  17. "SENT!"
    I had some good lines like, "I have 97 other people I can get coffee with who have yet to make me break my own heart." And then told him to think about my emotions. 🙈Not my strongest showing. Just thinking about it makes me cringe. It's true what they say - WAIT IT OUT BEFORE YOU SEND IT OUT. But did he not know his audience when he first contacted me? Whatever I'm over it (I'm not).
  18. "I hope he feels bad"
    He doesn't - if one was to guess, he probably thinks I'm crazy.
  19. "Why do I feel bad?"
    I don't know if I did the right thing. I've cried enough over this kid but NOW I get to cry over being small-minded. Which is a fun, new way to tear up, I guess.
  20. "The only thing that can solve this is Annie Lennox's 'Walking On Broken Glass"
    That opening piano and strings, though...