I got the boot last week, the wedding is this weekend. Here are my tips and tricks.
  1. First, some background
    We met my freshman year of college. She was mean, I was nice - it was like the odd couple. 2 out of her 5 roommates transferred schools. I lived with her for FOUR YEARS and survived it all. It wasn't until we graduated (I'm blaming it on Stockholm syndrome), that I became aware that my closest college pal was actually a bully! Somehow I'VE MADE IT OUT (with a few scratches...and a $450 bridesmaid dress that will go unused).
  3. Delete social media immediately
    Things I'm not here for: Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Thank god for Listapp. My beautiful little island of solitude in a sea of wedding hashtags.
  4. Call your mom
    Allow her to justify your actions. Get only slightly concerned when she seriously says your friend is the "type of crazy that follows you" and to "make sure your address is unlisted." Then realize she might have a point.
  5. Call your friends
    Feel good when these friends say they're proud of you. Agree when they say you should stop being pushed around. For a second, allow yourself to wonder why you become closest to people who don't care for you. Push down that thought. Realize many people love you. Dissect this fleeting feeling of self doubt with your therapist at a later date.
  6. Acknowledge that saying "this isn't a friendship but more like a hostage situation" a week before her wedding was not the BEST move
    You guys. I know. I know! But if you'll indulge me. She had a bridal shower on July 4th! She didn't speak to me for 3 days when I told her I couldn't afford to stay at the hotel for her bachelorette which took place in NYC! Aka the city in which I live! She's voting for Trump!
  7. Maybe don't borrow a paragraph from a "Dear Sugar" column to defend yourself when things come to blows.
    Clearly getting an "incomplete" in friendship 101. But Cheryl's advice is 💯
  8. Allow yourself to be mad, for like, one second, that this is NOTHING like the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding."
    Where is Julia Roberts? Where is Rupert Everett? Why is there no sing-a-long to "Say A Little Prayer?!"
  9. Mourn the loss
    Cry about it! Why don't we ever talk about the end of friendships, I wonder? They're so complex! You guys, let's unpack it!
  10. Don't feel the need to defend yourself
    I want to shout "I'm a good person!" to strangers on the subway. I seriously considered printing the last exchange with my friend on palm cards and handing them out as I walked down the street, but realized that was immature. And expensive.
  11. Treat yo self
    Oh you're getting married Sunday? That's cool. I'm actually SUPER busy getting a massage that day.
  12. Remind yourself you did a good thing
    I realized this friendship was going to end when it started. I met her the first day of freshmen orientation and I said "I'm so excited for this!!!" And she replied "We're not at summer camp." I never had a mean friend, but my college career became the plot of "Mean Girls." We both deserve better. Also she had 11 bridesmaids (😬) - even numbers are key. And there are only 10 groomsmen. It was meant to be.
  13. Be thankful for the great people in your life
    There's an empty space where a friendship once stood. Allow that space that once felt so toxic to be filled with all the positivity around you. You're surrounded by great people and you're on a great app and you had a great dinner. Now for god sake, get outside and stop thinking of fondant and white dresses.
  14. Back up your iCloud account
    Save your exchanges to use as inspiration. They'll come in handy when Lifetime wants you to develop the original movie, "From Friendship To Freedom: A Story of Survival."