My Darkest Moment ⚫️

Inspired by @ListPrompts
  1. I am 16, in the hospital and on the verge of death.
  2. My parents' divorce and my own perfectionism have given way to anorexia and the fight for my life
  3. I never cared much about weight. I just needed some sort of rule so I didn't have to make choices anymore.
    I hated choosing between my parents. Choosing meant there was an option for failure, and I was petrified of failing.
  4. So I stopped eating and started running more than ever before, and then: The hospital.
  5. The nurses were scared to touch me, as if I was a fragile doll.
  6. My heart rate was 21 BPM.
    "Are you still conscious," the nurse asked in bewilderment. "Yes," I replied. And I heard her whisper her amazement to another nurse. "I can't believe she is still awake with that HR!"
  7. And I was so ashamed. So utterly helpless.
  8. My pastor came to visit and my parents prayed with me too. And it felt like I was already dead.
  9. But I wasn't. It would be 4 more years before I finally began my slaughtering of anorexia, but that horrible six days in the hospital was so crucial. It brought me in desperation, to Christ. It gave me humility, and it opened my compassionate heart. ❤️ I've been at a healthy weight for a year now and am in continued therapy to reach 100% freedom.