### Personal Statistics I Want To See At the End of My Life

- •Number of people who've jacked off to my pics (both those I know and don't)
- •Number of people I've almost dated
- •How many times I've evaded death
- •How many hitchhikers I could have safely picked up
- •How many hitchhikers would have killed me had I picked them up
- •How much time spent singing the wrong lyrics to a song
- •How many car accidents I almost got into
- •How much morphine I've taken total
- •How many pizzas I've eaten
- •How much Diet Coke I've drank
- •How many celebrities I almost had relationships with
- •How many hours I've spent playing video games
- •How many people have had crushes on me
- •How much money spent on books
- •How many days I've spent in the hospital
- •How much artificial insulin I've used
- •How many times I've lied
- •How many people who've died with me being the last person they spoke too