1. Lean in
    Do not let your children interfere with your career! How dare you let down all the women who fought for your right to work.
  2. Do not let other people take care of your kids
    Seriously, a nanny? Daycare? You had your kids, you take care of them.
  3. Be ageless
    Or at least embarrassed enough by your aging, gross body to try to fix it. Expensive lotions, painful procedures, and hair dye are your friends.
  4. Be your child's playmate and constant cheer leader
    How dare you sit down with your phone for 10 minutes while your child plays without you, at the park.
  5. Don't be that helicopter mom
    I mean do you want your children to become big cry baby adults who can't make decisions?
  6. Cook gourmet healthy meals
    I mean it's that, or poisoning them with preservatives. Your choice, I guess.
  7. Never take a selfie
    Do you think you're a teenager? How self indulgent are you?
  8. Exercise and maintain a healthy weight
    No excuse for not taking care of yourself. Make yourself a priority.
  9. Never complain
    Again, your choice to be a mom. Deal with it.