The middle of summer
  1. I've had major clinical depression since I was 12.
    I didn't get treatment until I was 18 and I didn't get stable until my early 30s
  2. Summers have always been hard.
    I didn't exactly have a lot of friends growing up. My summers were mostly spent sitting in front of the tv or reading books. So summer always felt like one endless lonely day. Even the most introverted of us need people sometimes.
  3. So maybe my summer sadnesses stem from that.
  4. Or maybe because it's unbearably hot and I can't go outside as much.
  5. Or maybe because it's getting closer to school starting and that reminds me how fast my kids are growing up.
  6. Or because we're running out of fun summer things to do.
  7. Or because all the things I look forward to feel a long time away.
    I love autumn and it feels so far away right now
  8. So although I'm not in full depression mode.
    Not even close, thankfully.
  9. This time of year is hard. I don't enjoy things as much as I usually do.
  10. And that scares me.
  11. Because once that slide into full blown depression starts...
  12. I am tired just thinking about it.
    The climb out is so, so hard.
  13. So I keep doing the stuff that keeps me healthy.
    Eating vegetables, taking my medication, running, reaching out to people, writing
  14. And pray this is not the summer it comes back.