Inventions I Wouldnt Be Mad At.

Apparently laziness is the mother of invention? Or in this case, laziness with a side of absurd.
  1. Uber for tailors.
    Apparently this might be happening!
  2. Avocado ripeness alert.
    I always am cutting into them a day or two early or a day or two late. Tell me when, mofos!
  3. Pop-Up-Video-like factoids for parties/running into people on the street.
    I forget names and the context of how I know someone all the time. And it makes me feel horrible. This would help!
  4. Uber for therapists.
    I don't have a therapist, and sometimes I feel guilty about burdening my friends with my nonsense/wishing for an objective third party. This service would be more about conflict resolutions/smaller issues rather than Freudian therapy, obvi.
  5. Soundtracks for books!
    Ever have that thing when you're reading a book, and the author or characters start taking about a song, and you don't know what they're referencing, so you have to go look it up, and then you get distracted and stop reading? This would solve that!
  6. Garbage disposals in which you can dispose of garbage.
    I break mine all the time because I try to put things like egg shells and lettuce and lime wedges in it. Those things can't go in a garbage disposal, I have learned. Pretty much nothing can. It sucks. Bonus points if the things I put in the garbage disposal somehow magically get recycled/composted somewhere, so that I don't have to deal with/smell it.
  7. Uber for car washes.
    I hate taking my car to get washed. Please come to me instead.
  8. Mini elephants, as pets, think: the size of a cocker spaniel or a medium-sized westy terrier.
    This is my most dear dream, to have an ottoman-sized elephant as a pet. I don't know why I dream of this so much, but I just think it would be so damned delightful.
  9. An off button for my brain.
    Sleep would be so much easier. And yes, meditation and other things, but again: I'm lazy! Make it easier please!
  10. Uber for post-dinner-party cleanup.
    I know there are on-demand housekeeper apps, but none of them want to work the midnight-2 a.m. shift. Sigh #firstworldproblems