Because the glass is always half empty.
  1. When I accidentally ate raw chicken because it was breaded and in the freezer and when you see a "chicken tender" you microwave it and don't ask questions.
    Now I'm just waiting for it to strike. My toilets gonna be so sad.
  2. When the old white lab I'm dogsitting picked up a piece of poop with its mouth and began eating it in front of my very eyes.
    This is the fourth time I've caught her doing this and she has no shame.
  3. While applying to jobs on Craigslist I had the realization nobody respectable will ever hire me because i have a degree in theatre.
    And I refuse to apply anywhere that requires a cover letter. I am a writer.
  4. When I realized I have a lot in common with Stassi Schroeder from Bravo's Vanderpump Rules.
    I am now subscribed to her podcast.
  5. When I talked to Denise at poison control for the raw chicken and she didn't make me feel like a priority.
    Also she asked my weight. DENISE!
  6. Discovering Bachelor in Paradise is NOT on Hulu, Netflix, or Amazon Prime.
    I invest in my passions and that is television.
  7. Buying Bachelor in Paradise season 1 on iTunes.
    And not springing for HD.