ANNE OF GREEN GABLES MOVIE CHARACTERS, RANKED

For @iguanodonna who did a top ten.
  1. Marilla Cuthbert
    The best eyeroller on the island. I fucking love that an older lady who never married gets to be a well-rounded, awesome, nuanced character. She’s not the only one, either.
  2. Anne Shirley
    I think we all identify with her so much because we can see when she’s being an idiot but we can’t judge, because we’re just as idiotic and stubborn in our own lives. She’s had the worst childhood, but she still allows herself to be idealistic. She is a perfect mix of high hopes and forged steel.
  3. Matthew Cuthbert
    The very definition of daddy. His quiet support and endless love for Anne brings tears to my eyes, I swear to god. And his admission that he’s never courted because he can’t bring himself to say a single word to a woman fascinates me, because these people’s lives are rich and varied, and centered around things so much deeper than romance and marriage. It’s very real, but you don’t expect to see it depicted so lovingly in a movie.
  4. Gilbert Blythe
    The kind of enlightened soul and handsome face none of us will ever meet IRL.
  5. Diana Barry
    She spends a lot of time relegated to Yes Woman, and our recent rewatch made very clear how little anyone pays attention to her when Anne is around. She has some amazing moments where she acknowledges this, though: at the very start of their friendship, you can see her realize and accept that from now on she’s a sidekick in her own life. That’s a tragic but incredibly subtle thing.
  6. Alice Lawson
    The best shopkeeper ever, with the sunniest disposition and the nicest smile. She is stylish af. If I was an Avonlea resident, I’d be courting Alice Lawson hard.
  7. Jen Pringle
    Okay, here’s the deal. I don’t condone bullying. And her weird little soft voice is maybe even more annoying than Katherine Brooke’s. But… she’s incredibly attractive, don’t you think? Her slow motion demeanor makes me so hot. And her Amy Irving-level curls. I can’t even.
  8. Rachel Lynde
    The worst grown-up ever. Proof that sometimes respecting your elders is a waste of everyone’s time. Oh, but deep down, she’s okay, I guess.
  9. Miss Stacey
    Anne’s own version of Anne. Right?? She’s the inspiration for the inspiration. You have to love her for that, although she passes along quite a few meaningless platitudes in the process.
  10. Aunt Jo
    Barely takes notice of her grand-grand-niece Diana, fawns all over Anne Shirley. Yet another badass spinster character to inspire us all.
  11. Margaret Harris
    Her nostrils terrified me when I was 8, but her pronunciation and her ‘tude are on fleek.
  12. Ruby Gillis
    An idiot. So loveable, though.
  13. Morgan Harris
    He gets big points for his fantastic voice, and for being a ship’s captain. But he’s such a cliché it’s painful. And he could be Anne’s dad, do neither of them realize this? Or maybe that’s part of the attraction for an orphan… and for a mostly-absent dad with regrets… double creepy. I like it.
  14. Emmeline Harris
    I can’t quite remember why her dad is so ridiculously protective of her. Is it because she wears glasses and that makes her more breakable? Or is it just because he’s never around? Either way, my verdict is: annoyingly needy, but somewhat charming in the end.
  15. Katherine Brooke
    She was really into straight lines. I kind of relate to how suspicious she is of everyone’s motives all the time. I always wanted friendship to force itself on me the way it forces itself on Miss Brooke. But her soft, bitter way of speaking is sort of tedious.
  16. Jane Andrews
    The one normal person in the gaggle of girls you always see around. Isn’t it nice that they bothered to include someone who isn't abysmally stupid or insanely evil?
  17. Moody Spurgeon MacPherson
    I’m very fond of Zack Ward in general, but he gets almost nothing to do here. He’s a fine second-banana best friend for Gilbert, but he could use more screen time. He still does a stupdendous job with what he’s given, though! Check him out being totally natural and present in the slightly-blurry background of several scenes. My favourite Zack Ward role is Zone from Dollhouse.
  18. Josie Pye
    So, so evil. Every interaction with her is like talking to the lady who makes cakes at your office.
  19. Pauline Harris
    Her dresses traumatized me as a child. They look so uncomfortable as to be actually physically painful, and the scene where she changes out of one and it breaks off into multiple pieces has kept me mystified for literally decades now.
  20. Fred Wright
    He’s roly poly!
  21. Minnie May Barrie
    Ages one year for every five years every other character ages. She’s a mythical creature who sleeps hanging upside down in the outhouse, obviously.
  22. Essie
    She has no last name that I can find. All she does is cower. She’s marginally loveable, like an inept puppy that you can’t quite completely house train.
  23. Thomas Lynde
    Dem sideburns. How he goes from totally fine to an absolute invalid within about a half year is never addressed, but I guess it’s pretty true to life. Also true to life: how goddamn annoying invalids can be. I’m feeling really charitable today, can you tell?
  24. Prissy Andrews
    A victim who is a smug idiot about her victimhood. She makes me sad.
  25. Mr. Phillips
    A pervert.
  26. John Sadler
    Everyone has an asshole neighbor, and this is Green Gables’. He’s a cranky get-off-my-lawn curmudgeon AND an opportunistic capitalist bastard. And he has an unidentifiably weird accent while being named John Sadler. I don’t trust him.