& The Reasons They Wouldn't Work For Me
  1. Metflix - matched based on your Netflix viewing history & queue
    Except imagine that your mom uses your account & your listings are a muddled mess of things you have no interest in & you end up with a group of 50-somethings on the Redcoats side of Revolutionary War reenactments
  2. NapsRUs - for people who would rather nap together than have to engage in small talk
    Except you can't get free dinners if you're both napping - HELLO I EXPECT FREE TACOS IF I HAVE TO PUT ON PANTS, GUYS
  3. OkStupid - exclusively for hipsters because everything is stupid...dating is stupid....that mainstream band you listen to is stupid...
    Except if Wannabe comes on the radio, you bet your hipster ass I will drop everything to tell you the story from A to Z