THINGS I CAN'T PUT ON MY RESUME (EVEN THOUGH I'M REALLY V. GOOD AT THEM)

  1. Crying at car and gum commercials.
  2. Crying at most everything, actually.
  3. Binge-watching anything. I mean anything. (Bonus points if the pilot makes me cry)
  4. Opening wine without a corkscrew.
  5. Saying "you too" when the waiter tells me to enjoy my meal.
  6. Petting cats.
  7. Avoiding people.
  8. Burning myself with the hot glue gun.
  9. Occupying space with the spider in my shower that I can't reach safely enough to kill on my first try.
  10. Opening my front facing camera on accident.
  11. Useless trivia.
  12. Getting hit in the face with sporting equipment.
  13. Falling in love with very unattainable men and very attainable Starbucks Lemon Poundcake.