THINGS MY FRIEND BROOKS SAYS

Brooks Hinnant is constantly spouting off wisdom and this is where I choose to document it. All are direct quotes.
  1. "Why do guys roll their pants up? Just buy the right sized pants, jackass."
  2. "I slipped bro, and ruptured my fucking tendon"
    Mnemonic created to remember the drug 'Cipro'
  3. "I'm one classy mother fucker...literally I'm great"
  4. "Hannah our sitcom would be so entertaining. Starring me, a guy who's just a little too chubby so other men have a chance."
  5. "Ya'll's business has like 34 different parts. It's like a car engine. I'm like "I don't know what going on down here, I guess I'll throw some oil on it."
    During a lecture on reproduction pathophysiology.
  6. "I'm about to Jimi Hendrix this ukulele."
  7. "I know we're an old married couple, but do we have to watch the news??"
  8. "It's not that I can't... It's that I don't want."
    Accurately describing everyone's feelings about the upcoming semester of nursing school.
  9. *phone rings* "Hel-" "HANNAH MY MOM IS IN THE BAHAMAS SO IM GONNA VENT TO YOU -- [SCREAMS]"
    Brooks during finals week.
  10. "I'm gonna get a semi-colon tattoo because I could've ended pharm, but I decided to keep going."
  11. "You might as well think you're great, nobody else is going to."
  12. "Let's play a game called 'count how many male nurses are in the delivery room' I'll give you a hint, it's gonna be zero."
  13. "What is bby? Big blue yogurt?"
  14. "Everyday that you show up to class I'm slightly more impressed that you aren't dead yet."
  15. "Brooks, so you like alt-j?" "I'm more of a command+F kind of guy."
  16. "sometimes I like to think George R.R. Martin wrote ATI and he's trying to kill us."
  17. "I can't wait for this list to go viral. Everyone is gonna be like 'Oh my god this guy is so great. I want a put his dick in my mouth.' And I'll just be like 'I'm right here'."
  18. "Well, Hannah, maybe you attract bugs because you're so gross."
  19. "There are five of us so we call ourselves Minaj a Sync, and all we did yesterday was eat turkey jerky, carved pumpkins, and listened to Elvis Christmas carols."
  20. "We went to Taco Mama yesterday, or as I call it 'MILF Taco'."
  21. "Our relationship is the best relationship. There's no sex and we feed each other. We're like Rachael Ray and her fake husband."
  22. "If we were in The Office I would be Michael because I'm equal parts Michael Scarn and a child."
  23. "Are you pregnant? Name it after me!!" "No, Brooks, I'm PERIODING."
  24. "If this guy talks with his hands one more time I'm gonna shoot him." "Brooks do you even have a gun?" *flexes*
  25. "Men are like ditto Pokemon, they're gonna change into whatever it takes to have sex with you. "
  26. "If Eli Goulding was the quarterback instead of Ellie Manning, the Giants would be SO much better"
  27. "Are you playing solitaire? Oh my god, you're a thousand years old. Do you even use a calculator or do you use a abacus?"
  28. "I wonder if people in the 1930s gave blowjobs.. I forgot to ask in my geriatric clinical."
  29. "I've gone 5 days without showering... I'm gonna set a record"