Scripts I'm Sick of Reading (as a Professional Script Reader)
Always listing into that void. I read and critique scripts for a living, usually by aspiring screenwriters who haven't yet sold a script or had one made. I've been doing this for over three years now, and there are....patterns.
- •Scripts starring a Brilliant But Unappreciated WriterThe amount of Writer protagonists I read is bonkers. They're usually male, and the plot variations are overwhelmingly 1) Writer is discovered through implausible quirky circumstances or 2) Writer meets a girl and is inspired by her. Bonus hate points if the character is a Screenwriter. If you're not Charlie Kauffman, no one wants your take on the struggle into the film industry. Including people in the film industry.
- •A woman gave up her dreams to become a dissatisfied wife and mother.She usually gets a late in life shot at her dreams (but it compromises her family life because she can't Have It All) and/or has an affair.
- •Within the first ten pages, a man gets fired from his job and then left by his wife/girlfriendHis job loss is usually for unexplained or unfair reasons. The breakup often happens when he walks in on the woman cheating with someone he knows. The script proceeds with the man feeling like a victim of the whole world, but then he meets a better girl.
- •A motley crew of misfits form a band for some type of competition that doesn't really existThe prize is some sort of vaguely defined guarantee of success in the music industry. The band usually includes someone who JUST learned to play their instrument, and a disgraced musician or former one hit wonder looking for a comeback.
- •Two people meet and fall in love, but there's a twist. They're....the SAME GENDER.These are usually men. One of them is closeted and has a Terrible Girlfriend. All she cares about is shopping and her future wedding to her gay boyfriend; this way, we don't feel bad for her being strung along and deceived. The love interest who is proudly out accuses his closeted love of being ashamed of him and not loving him enough, as opposed to acknowledging his fear of his family's hyperbolic homophobia.
- •130+ page scripts of the relationship, beginning to either end/reconciliation of two special snowflake twenty somethings.They have really hip jobs (musician, DJ, tattoo artist) and there's nothing really unique about how they meet or their relationship. The only conflict is that they're both kind of The Worst and have some contradictory philosophical ideals. This is the first time they've been in love, and they CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
- •Any awkward sad straight white male who has voiceover narration the whole movieThese films are usually a way for us to hear the "protagonist's" various mind blowing views on Love and Women and Sex and Life. He is usually the smartest person in his immediate vicinity, which bums him out.