CONSPIRACY THEORY: RAMI MALEK IS MY BROTHER

  1. So this is Rami Malek.
    He's on Mr. Robot. Was in a Twilight movie and a bunch of other shit. I didn't know that much about him until I found this picture on Tumblr and thought...holy shit, he looks like me.
  2. I decided to test my theory on the general public.
    5 favorites on a tweet at 1:00 am...not terrible. But more importantly...it meant other people saw it too.
  3. I start furiously googling him and wonder if maybe it was just that one picture. It was not.
  4. I start to lose it only a tiny bit.
    These pictures aren't quite as damning so I decide to dig deeper.
  5. Here are pictures of my Dad as a child/young man next to pictures of Rami Malek.
  6. I start to lose it a bit more.
    I start watching Mr. Robot. Watching him really weirds me out. I ask my friend who also watches the show "Hey, do I look like him?" And he pauses and goes "HOLY SHIT, you do!!!"
  7. His eyes are so big and expressive so I begin asking everyone if that's what I look like and they all agree.
    I finally understand why I have no poker face and why I have a really hard time hiding my emotions on my face.
  8. CONSPIRACY PRO: Rami Malek is Greek and Egyptian.
    My family is very Greek and my Dad always had a fascination with Egypt. Did he find out Ms. Malek was Egyptian and was like LET'S BANG?!! Maybe!!!
  9. PRO: He was born in 1981. My Dad didn't marry my Mom until 1984 leaving ol' Pops PLENTY of time to fool around.
  10. CON: Light eyes. But he could have gotten them from his Mom!
  11. CON: He was born in LA and my Dad only ever lived in Michigan. BUT my dad is super dead now so I can't ask him if/when he travelled to California and/or fathered any illegitimate children.
  12. I mean, c'mon.