DUMB THINGS I'VE SAID ON THIS ROAD TRIP WITH MY FAMILY

My Mom is terrified of flying so she, my 12 year old sister, and I are driving from Detroit to Florida. Being in this close of quarters with my family makes me act 13 again. God help us all.
  1. I mean...it's just SO dark out...like aggressively dark...maybe I'm just used to the lights in LA.
    I never disgust myself more than when I say things like this.
  2. Mom! That guy at the Apple Store was flirting with me and you ruined it!!
    My phone crashed and we had to make a stop in Toledo and a cute Apple employee in a beanie winked at me and said he liked my name and my mom proceeded to exclaim "THANK YOU! I CAME UP WITH IT!"
  3. No, I don't want the snack size McFlurry. I'm an adult. Please order me the regular.
  4. SHOTGUN! Shotgun! It's mine! I called it!!
  5. He did the voice in Bee Movie and that's the last time we will speak of that film again.
    I made them listen to Seinfeld stand-up and my sister goes "his voice sounds so familiar!!"