1. Kill: Ross
    Should be self explanatory. While he is a good father, he's wildly emotional (barf) and is prone to cheating (they were NOT on a break!!!). I'd consider putting him in the marry category if his competition wasn't so stiff.
  2. Fuck: Joey
    An obvious choice. He clearly knows what he's doing and even Chandler remarks that he hears the girls Joey has over and it sounds like they enjoy themselves. However, it's usually only ever one night stands so what if he's not actually good in bed but just good looking and charismatic? So it's more of a quantity than quality situation?
  3. Marry: Chandler
    I would slice off my left hand if it meant I could marry Chandler Bing. Although we're both sarcastic and emotionally closed off when it comes to real feelings. Odds are our marriage would involve a lot of cutting comments that never get resolved due to ya know, the not talking of the feelings.