FUCK MARRY KILL: THE BOYS FROM IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY

  1. Kill: Dennis
    Listen, I don't WANT to kill Dennis. The slow build of Dennis becoming more and more sociopathic as the seasons progress is one of my top 10 favorite things to ever happen on television. But with his rage and D.E.N.N.IS system, I can't run the risk of having sex with him. I just can't. Plus, then there's the unflattering sex tape...better to just get rid of him off the bat.
  2. Fuck: Mac
    The thing with fucking Mac though is that I'm not going to fuck Mac. What will more likely end up happening is that we'll sit in his room and he'll show me his karate moves and cry about his Dad. He's such a teddy bear that I'll be content to do that as long as I get to wear the duster.
  3. Marry: Charlie
    Listen, I would marry Charlie in the quickest of heartbeats. I would marry Charlie and not fuck Mac and let Dennis live. It'd be a life full of denim chickens, worm hats, and bashing rats. We'd serve bags of spaghetti at the wedding reception and no one would be allowed to show their knees. And we'd live happily ever after!