HONEYMOON IDEAS

I am not engaged. I am not in a relationship. Hardcore single. But I'm getting these down on paper so any potential suitors know what they're in for.
  1. On our flight to Paris, terrorists attempt to take over the plane. We take them out together...Mr. and Mrs. Smith style. We were already wearing all black on the plane. I'm in aviators. You're chewing gum. My glasses stay on and you're still chewing gum after the fight. France welcomes us as heroes.
  2. We go on an African Safari. Our caravan breaks down in the middle of a pride of lions. Everyone is brutally mauled but us. The lions respect us and soon, we are leaders of the pride. We abandon our previous lives and spend the rest of our days living with the lions. After we pass on, our children continue our legacy.
  3. Instead of paying for a wedding, we use all of our money to become the world's leading Amelia Earhart experts. You learn to fly a plane. I wear a sick leather jacket and again, aviators. It's a little on the nose but you love it. We make it our mission to find her. We do. Against all odds, she's alive and thriving. We adopt her as our grandmother.
  4. We rent out a cabin in the mountains. Everything is covered in snow. After a day of lovemaking and skiing, you go out to get more firewood. What do you find? An abandoned group of wolf pups. You bring them inside. They see us as their parents. We teach them to become sled dogs. We enter the Iditarod. We win.
  5. We go to Greece, specifically the village where my Papou came from. While we're staying in a house with one of the Andrianopoulos relatives, we stumble upon an ancient relic. It's a map. Where does it lead us? An previously undiscovered temple dedicated to Poseidon. Gold is everywhere. We solve the Greek financial crisis. Obama high fives us.