HOW AEROSMITH PITTED MY MOM AND DAD AGAINST EACH OTHER FOR MY AFFECTION

This is more of a long story than a list. I don't care.
  1. My mom is a classically trained opera singer and my Dad was a sportscaster, so the music in my homes growing up was...varied. My parents divorced when I was 3.
    Beethoven, Three Dog Night, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kool & The Gang, Sondheim, Sly and the Family Stone, Gloria Estefan, and The Beatles.
  2. There's a scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Robin Williams vacuums as Mrs. Doubtfire to Dude (Looks Like a Lady).
    The hilarity of this scene hit me hard. He WAS a dude that looked like a lady! Oh man. What a perfect fit.
  3. On a routine trip to Harmony House when I was in 5th grade, I asked my Dad who sang that hilarious Mrs. Doubtfire song. I had to own it.
    He bought me my first Aerosmith cd (Permanent Vacation) that day. Score so far...Dad: 1, Mom: 0.
  4. I listened to that CD non-stop. I became OBSESSED.
    I wanted to know everything about them. How does Steven Tyler sound like that? Are Steven and Joe Perry best friends? Is it confusing to have two guys named Joe in one band?
  5. I began using the Internet to my full advantage. I downloaded so many Aerosmith songs on Napster. I printed out pictures of Steven Tyler and put them on my mirror.
  6. In the summer of 2001, my mom, brother, and I were on vacation in Toronto. My step-dad stayed home to work. He was a property manager and one property he oversaw was the Renaissance Unity Church. Marianne Williamson was the head at the time. Fun fact: Marianne Williamson and Steven Tyler are good friends.
  7. Around midnight (remember, we were in Toronto, 5 hours away from Detroit), my step-dad called and woke up my Mom. He told her that Steven Tyler was coming into Renaissance Unity the next day to sing at the service as a surprise. He knew how much I loved Aerosmith and told my mom that she should drive me home so I could see it and meet him.
  8. MY MOM DID NOT DO THIS. SHE CLAIMS SHE WAS CONFUSED AND DIDNT THINK WE WOULD MAKE IT HOME IN TIME. I LOVE MY MOTHER AND SHE IS A WONDERFUL WOMAN BUT I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HER FOR THIS.
  9. I woke up the next day and she told me what happened. "Wait, so who exactly is Steven Tyler?" she asked? "I HAVE A PICTURE OF HIM HANGING IN MY ROOM" I screamed. I cried very hard. To the right, is the picture.
    Here is the recording of Steven singing Amazing Grace. Reminder: I WAS NOT THERE FOR THIS. http://bit.ly/1iehhmP
  10. My step-dad ended up getting Steve to sign a program for my brother and I. He spelled Hollis correctly but Eddie "Eddy". A fact I used to rub into my brother's face every chance I got.
  11. Dad: 1. Mom: -1000. Stepdad: .5 for effort.
  12. A year later, my Dad's side of the family was on vacation in Traverse City, Michigan. We found ourselves in a Mom and Pop record store. Hanging on the wall was a huge silk print of Aerosmith. I desperately wanted it.
    My Dad had been diagnosed with cancer about a month before this. I didn't want to ask him for anything so I just longingly looked at the print and then walked out of the store.
  13. My whole family was waiting outside the store but my dad said he wanted to keep looking. 5 minutes later, he walked out with the Aerosmith silk print.
    That little gesture meant everything to me. It still does to this day.
  14. This was the picture on the silk screen. I love everything about it.
    Steven's pants, Steven's arm around Joe's leg, Joe's cane, Brad's Canadian tux.
  15. Dad: 2. Mom: -1000.
  16. A few months after that, Aerosmith was on tour and they were coming to Michigan. In an effort to fix the nuclear disaster she created a few years prior, my Mom bought me three tickets to the concert.
  17. It was the first concert I ever went to without an "adult". It was me, my cousin, Brittany, and my best friend at the time, Courtney. We were the youngest people there. Everyone kept asking why we were there and offering to buy us beer. One guy said he had just gotten a divorce and then offered us a joint.
    We did not take anyone up on their offers but man was I LIVING. I bought an Aerosmith tank top and thought "if I die tomorrow, I hope I'm buried in this."
  18. Dad: 2. Mom: 0.
    The concert helped, but there's no repairing the damage she did.
  19. Dad's gone now, so the Aerosmith love battle has ceased. Regardless, at the time of his death, he was winning.
  20. Suck it, Mom.