HOW TO DO LAUNDRY

  1. Notice you're starting to run low on clean undergarments/socks
    Hmmm. I should do laundry tomorrow!
  2. Fully intend on doing laundry the next day but get caught up watching TV shows about people who have disappeared.
    I must learn EVERYTHING I CAN about Zebb Quinn! I can live another day with what I have left.
  3. Sort your clothes. As you do this, throw the things you don't wear anymore into a pile to take to Goodwill in a day or...month.
    I'm being so generous and making room in my closet for new clothes!
  4. With your head held high from your generous spirit, heave all of your things to the washer and dryer.
  5. Pick up your laundry detergent. But wait! This feels too light! And it's already 9pm...better wait until after work tomorrow to pick up more detergent.
  6. Due to your procrastination, you must shamefacedly wear that one really uncomfortable thong and mismatched socks to work the next day.
    I don't mind mismatched socks, it's when they're mismatched in thickness and texture that I go crazy.
  7. After the miserable day of uncomfort, go straight to Ralph's to get the detergent.
    Better also get a bouquet of sunflowers, a bottle of contact solution, and a bottle of wine because these things always seem to run out as well. So proactive!
  8. When you get home, pour yourself a generous glass of wine. You're in for a night of folding and touching wet clothes. Better to be at least a little buzzed.
  9. After the last load, resist the temptation to fall asleep in a pile of your warm, fantastic smelling success.
  10. Realize you can wear WHATEVER YOU WANT to work tomorrow because everything you own is clean.
    Fantastic!
  11. Repeat in 10-14 days.