HOW TO DO YOGURTLAND RIGHT
This was way longer than I intended it to be.
- •Pick up @mia. Tell her to bring her portable speakers because your car doesn't have a phone hookup and you want to listen to Usher's "Confessions Part II".
- •Drive to the Yogurtland that's a little too far away. Lament about the parking situation when you get there.
- •Walk in with your head held high and make eye contact with all of the fucktards around the dispensers. Let them know you mean business.
- •Ask for sample cups despite the fact that you always get the same thing. Try their seasonal flavor and proceed to be disgusted.
- •Alright, now it's your time to shine. First stop: coconut. Fill your cup up with 1/3 of that ish.
- •Wait for the teenage couple to stop making out in front of the pistachio dispenser. 1/3 of that in your cup as well.
- •Last stop, tarte. Half the time the dispenser is broken or empty. Get the apathetic employee behind the counter to fix it. Let him know you'll wait.
- •Onto toppings: hit up the Reese's cups first. Scoop out the biggest chunks and put them over the tarte section. Eat them as you move further in the line.
- •Then chocolate chips. Sprinkle those over the coconut section.
- •Yogurtland sprinkles over the pistachio and then whipped cream over the whole thing. Your masterpiece is finished.
- •Checkout. If done right, your total should be under $4 but more than say $3. Around $3.81 is the sweet spot.
- •Mia has been done for a while now but you're still going to make her wait as you grab a cup of that water with the strawberries on the way out.
- •Pass Papa John's walking back to the car. Debate getting a pizza.
- •Drive back to Mia's. Don't touch your Yogurt until you have Netflix queued up. Debate about which Friends episode to watch.Usually, a season 7 or 8 classic will win out.
- •Finally, devour that shit like you have a disease that only fro-yo can cure.
- •Finish and complain about a stomach ache from too much sugar.