HOW TO DO YOGURTLAND RIGHT

This was way longer than I intended it to be.
  1. Pick up @mia. Tell her to bring her portable speakers because your car doesn't have a phone hookup and you want to listen to Usher's "Confessions Part II".
  2. Drive to the Yogurtland that's a little too far away. Lament about the parking situation when you get there.
  3. Walk in with your head held high and make eye contact with all of the fucktards around the dispensers. Let them know you mean business.
  4. Ask for sample cups despite the fact that you always get the same thing. Try their seasonal flavor and proceed to be disgusted.
  5. Alright, now it's your time to shine. First stop: coconut. Fill your cup up with 1/3 of that ish.
  6. Wait for the teenage couple to stop making out in front of the pistachio dispenser. 1/3 of that in your cup as well.
  7. Last stop, tarte. Half the time the dispenser is broken or empty. Get the apathetic employee behind the counter to fix it. Let him know you'll wait.
  8. Onto toppings: hit up the Reese's cups first. Scoop out the biggest chunks and put them over the tarte section. Eat them as you move further in the line.
  9. Then chocolate chips. Sprinkle those over the coconut section.
  10. Yogurtland sprinkles over the pistachio and then whipped cream over the whole thing. Your masterpiece is finished.
  11. Checkout. If done right, your total should be under $4 but more than say $3. Around $3.81 is the sweet spot.
  12. Mia has been done for a while now but you're still going to make her wait as you grab a cup of that water with the strawberries on the way out.
  13. Pass Papa John's walking back to the car. Debate getting a pizza.
  14. Drive back to Mia's. Don't touch your Yogurt until you have Netflix queued up. Debate about which Friends episode to watch.
    Usually, a season 7 or 8 classic will win out.
  15. Finally, devour that shit like you have a disease that only fro-yo can cure.
  16. Finish and complain about a stomach ache from too much sugar.
  17. Repeat.