IF I HAD MY DRUTHERS...

  1. All instagrams are public
  2. Adult men would stop thinking hating on Justin Bieber is hilarious. Like....who gives a fuck ??
  3. Pads, tampons, and birth control would be free
  4. Drivers would be allowed to review each other "yelp style" and the ratings are displayed above everyone's cars.
    Mainly so I can know what asshats to avoid on the freeway.
  5. Beyoncé (and @john) would add another "I love you like XO, you love me like XO..." verse to their respective versions of XO.
  6. Anytime anyone in LA said "I'm a filmmaker", I'm given $1
  7. Those homophobes in Kentucky who denied gay couples marriage licenses are forced to spend every day for the rest of their lives with a really sharp and annoying pebble in their shoe.
  8. Instead of being forced to talk about my feelings, I'm allowed to send people song lyrics and they don't think I'm crazy.
  9. My mom is immortal. Or she can choose when she wants to die but it shouldn't be until after I'm gone.
    Sorry, Mom! Can't live without ya!
  10. Whoever collects the most money from LA parking tickets is publicly flogged and ridiculed in the streets
  11. Smoking would not be bad for you
  12. Dogs live as long as their owners.
  13. All Pinkberrys are self-serve.