REASONS PIE SUCKS

It's THE WORST. Pecan pie doesn't count.
  1. Warm fruit
    Fruit should either be cold or room temperature! Warm fruit I what I assume Satan likes because he lives in hell and fruit in hell must be warm so warm fruit=hell
  2. The syrupy stuff in the fruit
    WHAT EVEN IS THAT?! This is what happens when fruit gets warm and you mix it with sugar. Disgusting.
  3. Dry crust
    Nothing to add here.
  4. Fruit isn't a dessert
    If fruit was a dessert, it wouldn't be in it's own section on the food pyramid. You're not fooling me.
  5. It's all garbage
  6. Rarely does it contain chocolate
    And even when it does, it's a weird whipped chocolate bullshit. PASS.