2. So like, we're gonna bang again, right?
  3. Listen homie, we banged once and I really don't feel like doing it again. Ever. So please just stop...everything.
  4. I don't care about crossfit and I don't know the terminology, so should I be impressed by your stats that you insist on sending me? Better yet, can you stop talking to me about your crossfit workout???
  5. Can you send me pictures of your dog every day?
  6. Can you send me pictures of your baby every day?
  7. Does she know about me?
  8. If you use the hashtag "swolemate" one more time, I'm going to key your car.
  9. Aunt Carol, I love you but emailing me once every two hours does not make me want to call you more.
  10. If you ever cheat on her, I swear to god, I will burn your house down. And laugh. And I will go to jail and it will be worth it.
  11. Yes, it's New Years/Christmas/Thanksgiving, one-time friend from high school. Thank you for the mass text ever year. Please delete my number.
    Suggested by @Nicholas