THINGS I HOPE OTHER PEOPLE DO TOO

  1. Get so overwhelmed by all the options on Netflix that you just watch an episode of television you've already seen 3x
  2. Send a text that gives you so much anxiety you must turn your phone on silent and face down so that you can pretend it never happened
    Sometimes, I also opt for the "throw it across the room" option
  3. Get food delivered despite the restaurant being less than 3 miles away
    I'd probably spend the delivery fee in gas, right? RIGHT?!
  4. Put off showering for hours and then when your roommate, significant other, sibling etc. decides to take one, you think "UGH! I was JUST about to get in!"
  5. Hope that maybe your uber driver is your soulmate and tonight is your meet-cute!
  6. Pop your gum but walk out of the room in annoyance when other people do it.
  7. When you find out a celebrity is married to a "non-celebrity", you proceed to google "[Celebrity name] wife"
    Patton Oswalt, Paul Rudd, Adam Scott, etc.