THINGS I LIKE TO DO WHEN I'M STAYING IN A HOUSE THAT'S NOT MY OWN

  1. Snoop
    I won't rustle too much, but I figure if you have it on your dresser, counter, locked away in an elaborate safe, etc. that it's fair game.
  2. Shower
    Such luxury! What's your conditioner smell like? Don't worry, I'll find out. Mango scented body scrub? Don't mind if I do! Also, please anticipate my needs, and adjust your shower pressure accordingly.
  3. Guess which drawer is the silverware drawer.
    I'm right like 98% of the time.
  4. Guess where you keep the trash can.
    I'm wrong like 98% of the time.
  5. Confidently walk into a bathroom only to realize it's a closet.
    This has happened more than once.
  6. Sit on every couch, chair and rank them by comfort in my mind.
  7. Figure out how you organize your refrigerator and see if I can get any good ideas.
  8. Make my presence known.
    I can make myself at home anywhere in a span of seconds. Toothbrush immediately in the bathroom, phone charger in the outlet closest to my bed, sweaters draped across your chairs. It's more homey for everyone!
  9. Try really hard to not burn it down.
    I once house-sat for a family in Los Feliz for an entire summer. They didn't believe in microwaves so I was forced to use the stove a lot. Proud to say that only twice did something catch on fire.