TIMES WHEN I HAVE BEEN PARTICULARLY CLUMSY

aka evidence of how I earned the nickname "Splatter".
  1. When I fell off a barstool (sober) and my chin split open plus a fun concussion.
  2. When I was cutting an avocado and the knife went through my hand.
  3. When I tripped and fell and my face hit a table.
  4. When I tripped over the only wet part of the floor and knocked over the wet floor sign.
  5. When I was holding a bouquet of dandelions and tripped and it was caught on camera.
  6. When I broke our entertainment unit in college.
  7. When I knocked a plate of sushi on the ground.
  8. When I attempted to get off of a chair like a normal human and failed.
  9. When I dropped an entire jar of salsa on the ground after Nick said "Hollis, don't drop the salsa."