1. Drink orange juice
    I don't know if orange juice actually does anything when you're already sick or if it's just mental. Vitamin C, blah blah blah. But you may as well drink it because then when people find out you're sick, you can say "yeah, I've been drinking a TON of orange juice" and they'll be impressed by your initiative. Which brings me to...
  2. Tell anyone who will listen that you're sick
    This won't physically make you feel any better but it WILL make you feel like a martyr and who doesn't love that? I especially like to tell people who have no stock in my well being: retail workers, uber drivers, my landlady. Work acquaintances will avoid you (no more small talk!) and your friends will offer to bring you things! Free soup!
  3. Especially tell your Mom
    No one cares that you're sick as much as your mom. No one. My mom is a hypochondriac so she ESPECIALLY cares when I'm sick. Yesterday I told her I was achey and she said "Monitor that and if it gets worse, go to the hospital. Don't be a hero." To which I replied, "Mom, they're just aches, I'm fine." Martyred again!!
  4. Wear sweatpants everywhere
    Jeans are for healthy people. You need to save the energy you'd expel on zippers and buttons for getting better!
  5. Eat anything and everything
    My grandma used to say "feed a fever, feed a cold, feed yourself all the time, why aren't you eating more?!" She was Greek. But I stand by this. Being sick gives you a free pass to mow down on everything and then tell yourself "my body is fighting a disease! It needs all the help it can get! More ice cream!"