1. "Miley Cyrus was mean to my short friend"
    Written by @mia. I wrote a blog once about little people in the entertainment industry and it got some attention. I referenced my time when I was one of the dumb fucking bears in Miley's VMA performance and people lost their minds thinking that I was attacking Miley. I got death threats and Mia came up with this stroke of brilliance. Possibly the funniest thing she's ever written.
  2. "Oh, I don't think we need to allow push notifications for you, flashlight app."
    By @bjnovak. So relatable with that classic wry, Novak wit. 10/10.
    Charlie Day tweeted this when we caught Osama Bin Laden. I thought was the perfect combination of patriotism and self (It's Always Sunny) referential humor.
  4. "Talk shit about Billy Joel to me & you'll get BLOCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCKED. You oughta know by now."
    Rob Delaney. This isn't even his best work but it made me cackle for a solid 3 minutes.
  5. "The world of TV should be ashamed of itself that Steve Carell never won an Emmy for Michael Gary Scott. Goodnight."
    Rainn Wilson tweeted this the night that Jim Parsons beat out Steve Carell. The honesty was so goddamn refreshing, it made (makes) me wish that more people/actors said shit like this after award shows.
  6. 🎶Yes to go...I will wait to eat my...gyro.🎶
    Sung to that Hero song from Boyhood. By @fisackerly. I brought this up to him a few days ago and he said he didn't even remember tweeting it. HOW?! IT'S TOO GOOD!
  7. "Don't be an asshole. Life is short but long enough to ruin someone else's sweet days with your behavior."
    Paula Pell. I want to take her tweets, make a book, and give it to my future daughter.
  8. THIS ONE.
    742291 029bc086 a1dc 4c1a 8a7b da8b40ed88c0