CAROLINA PANTHERS PLAYERS, RANKED BY NAME (LEAST-GREATEST)

I spend the majority of the games commenting on the names of the players. This is not a ranking based on names I'd give my future son, but based off what I like hearing and think sounds the coolest. From least interesting to greatest. (Also I realized when making this list that there are SO MANY players, so I didn't include ones I hadn't heard of.)
  1. Mike Tolbert
    HATE Tolbert. I hate hearing it and I hate saying it. Grosses me out for some reason. Seems like a cool guy though.
  2. Kony Ealy
    I can't find anything I like about this, really. The worst is how it blends together.
  3. Thomas Davis
    I'm sad he broke his arm but I don't like this name because of the repeating "s" sounds. If it was Thomas David or Tom Davis or something I'd have no problem with it.
  4. Ted Ginn, Jr.
    Super boring. I'd call him Teddy. Don't like how they're both single syllables.
  5. Greg Olsen
    I hate this, it's also really boring. I don't picture a football player when I hear his name (more like an accountant or teacher).
  6. Robert McClain
    McClain is fun to say! There's something a little off about this combination to me though. Pretty boring.
  7. Fozzy Whittaker
    What even...Whittaker is fine, Fozzy confuses me. Kinda sounds cool together though.
  8. Shaq Thompson
    This doesn't flow well to me, but I can definitely see a football player with this name. Love the dreads.
  9. Luke Kuechly
    Not only is it hard to pronounce Kuechly (keek-lee), but it just blends with the "k" sound in Luke. Once you have it down it's fun to say. It should be Lucas Kuechly, in my opinion. He's super cute though.
  10. Star Lotulelei
    Love the last name, first is just kinda ridiculous (especially for a guy). But Lotulelei is my favorite to say. If it wasn't for Star this would be higher for sure.
  11. Ryan Kalil
    I like Kalil, it's fun to say. Not my favorite with Ryan though, it lacks a spark.
  12. Jonathan Stewart
    I like this, but I always think they're talking about Jon Stewart from The Daily Show for a second when they announce his name during the games.
  13. Michael Oher
    This is fine. Familiar to hear because of The Blindside. Runs together when you say it a few times in a row though.
  14. Teddy Williams
    This is super cute. Doesn't make me think of a football player, but that somehow makes it cuter.
  15. Cam Newton
    I love him. Lots of people think he's overrated/cocky and I get that, but I love him anyway. His name fits him perfectly and I appreciate that, which is why it's so high on the list. Kinda wish it wasn't so similar to Fig Newton though.
  16. Cortland Finnegan
    Seems pretty preppy to me, but it kind of fits how he looks. I like the harsh sounds in Cortland paired with the softer Finnegan. Overall fun to say, and I like it more the more I hear it. I hope he goes by Cory.
  17. Roman Harper
    Obsessed with this for some reason. It just sounds so cool. Such a movie character name. He got hit in the eye last game and I was so sad it meant I had to stop hearing it. 😩