That feeling when...

  1. When someone says, "Hey, what's up?" and you reply, "Pretty good."
  2. When you're the only person singing along with the song that's playing and then you fuck up the lyrics.
  3. When your phone inexplicably begins to ignore your settings despite the fact that, according to its own display, you have not changed them.
  4. When you have zero women in your bed while your housemate has two...AND the walls are roughly the same thickness as rice cakes.
  5. When you realize the beloved movie from your childhood that you're forcing your friend to watch is actually a painfully dated pile of garbage.
  6. When you notice that the person whom you've graced with your cleverest quip of the day is within earshot of you springing the same line on someone else.
  7. When the bill arrives at the table and suddenly everyone has forgotten what they had for dinner, what they drank, the existence of sales tax, how to do basic math, and that tipping is still customary in America.
  8. When you're faced with the great likelihood that choosing to reprimand a perpetrator of obvious rudeness will instead be perceived as petty on your part, even though you were only gone for like five seconds and your coat and scarf were draped quite visibly across the chair you no longer have.