REASONS I LEFT WORK EARLY THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING SICK

  1. Had underwear regret
  2. Forgot this was the staticky dress
  3. Over-producted my hair
  4. Shoes were all wrong
  5. Pants were too tight
  6. Pants were too baggy
  7. Pants were just, ugh
  8. I was thinking a lot about pants and it made me feel vulnerable
  9. Just got my period
  10. Thought I was getting my period
  11. Just thought about my period
  12. Felt extreme empathy for co-workers who just got her period
  13. Didn't get my period, kicking off a profoundly unrealistic pregnancy scare given my age
  14. Pregnancy scare, Day 2
  15. Pregnancy scare, Day 3
  16. Day 4, not pregnant but really needed to go home early to celebrate/disappointment-eat a bag of Lay's Sour Cream & Onion potato chips in order to feel ready to move on with my life
  17. Felt crampy
  18. Felt crabby
  19. Felt like "fuck this shit"
  20. Felt like "I'm better than this"
  21. Felt like "I'm not better than this"
  22. Felt like watching TV would be more rewarding, by a lot
  23. Felt like I might be coming down with something
  24. Felt like I wanted to will myself to come down with something
  25. Remembered our President is a fascist