1. Lol Jimmy Fallon is funny..."list of things jimmy Fallon can say that you can't say"
    I didn't know it, but I went on a date with Nicole Kidman; I am Jimmy Fallon
  2. Dangit, the vacuum cleaner just fell..."list of times I've been injured bc of my job"
    Bruise on my foot from when the vacuum fell on me; Scar on my arm from a burn the iron gave me
  3. Ow, my lips are chapped "list of times I have put on Chapstick today"
    This morning when I woke up; this morning when I got to work; right now
  4. It smells like someone is making something pumpkin flavored in the kitchen... "List of things that should not be pumpkin flavored"
    Cream cheese; coffee/lattes; chocolate chip cookies; pancakes; martinis; oatmeal
  5. *checks instagram* ... "List of times I've checked Instagram this morning"
    Not tellin