Please, walk with me through the highlights of my first Penn Station experience.
  1. First of all, I've never been but have heard RAVE reviews from my BFFs, Liz and Fallon.
  2. Location is EVERYTHING PEOPLE!!!
    It's in a strip mall with an abandoned (def haunted) Hollywood Video Rental, a HoneyBaked Ham shoppe, a Pier 1 Imports, and a froyo joint called YOGURT RETREAT. Can you believe it?! What a colossal load of shit.
  3. Size Matters
    First thing I notice when I walk in is that you can pick so many different sizes for your sandwich -- incredible. Love this.
  4. Guardian Angel
    Liz, a constant companion, walked me through the menu like a pro. I felt cared for and that's important for me when it comes to selecting a sub sandwich.
  5. The Staff
    Okay, so I'll just talk about the woman who brings the food. I don't know her name, but I do know she's diabetic and her blood sugar was 504 yesterday, which seems impossible. I know all of this because she told the person sitting by Liz and I while she offered him a free cookie.
    !!!!!!!!! As I mentioned, a worker came around offering free (!!!!) cookies!! I love this. They weren't shitty cookies either. They were warm with melty chocolate in them. How????? Only Penn Station Overlords can answer this.
  7. The French Fries
    THEY CUT THE POTATO RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! That's so incredible. Fresh fries every time. Why have I never been here before? I'm not leaving. I won't.
  8. The Sandwich
    Where do I start? I got the Philly Cheese Steak, referred to as "a steak" by the sandwich artists. So fucking good. Banana peppers, mushrooms, mustard, mayo, cheese, AND pizza sauce. Absolutely delicious. I'll never be the same again, and that's okay with me. I'm better for it.
  9. The Bread
    WHAT THE FUCK????? This bread is so so good. So good that it deserves its own spot on this list.
  10. Pepsi Products
    We all know this is a Coke world, but not at Penn Station. This Coke world hard for me because I grew up drinking my mom's warm Pepsi that was watered down from the melted ice in it. My mom would constantly pour a can of Pepsi in a glass of ice and then forget about it all day. They have a full fountain of Pepsi products!!! They even have Diet Mountain Dew!! What the hell. Truly something for everybody here.
  11. The Lemonade
    Liz got a lemonade and it was HAND-SQUEEZED. No fucking around with Minute Maid's TYRANNY of the lemonade market at Penn Station! They make it FROM SCRATCH! These people G E T I T !!!
  12. The System
    I loved that I ordered my sandwich and fries at one station, and then my order was sent through the air via Internet or whatever to the second station where I ordered my drink and paid. This was so fun and I mean that sincerely. You could 100% do all of that in one step at one station but Penn Station doesn't play by your boring ass rules!!
  13. The Set-Up
    I loved that they keep all their industrial size condiments and other supplies in plain sight, as if it's like a small local sandwich shop rather than Penn FUCKING Station!!!!
  14. Policy
    They (or probably just this location) do NOT accept Discover cards (@meg1 ). This feels silly and fun and playful. They would stick their tongues out at you and jeer if you tried to use one.
  15. Liz's "To-Do"
    As we leave, Liz says to me, "Here's my to-do with Penn Station: they are always hidden. You only ever see one after you go get something else to eat!" This feels incredibly true, and it is.
  16. Liz's Discovery
    Liz deciphered that when the workers yell "Plus One!" it means someone new has walked in. This is so fucking fun!!
  17. Here's my incredible meal (got a Pepsi to drink OF COURSE).
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    I graduate in May 2016 and I would love to maybe be hired as a sort of hype-man for your business. Like a club promoter, but for your sandwich empire. Kinda like what all the other Kardashians who aren't Kim do to make money, right?? I assure you this will work and be so amazing for your business and my personal well-being. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!