5 THINGS I WOULD DO RIGHT NOW IF I HAD MONEY

  1. 1.
    Charter a private jet to the place where they train the Olive Garden chefs. I'm feeling some breadsticks right now, but I think I'd enjoy them more in Italy.
  2. 2.
    Sell one of my paintings to the Louvre. I'm not sure if my thinking is accurate here, but I feel like they'd be more inclined to buy one if I were already rich.
  3. 3.
    I've always wanted to be cradled in the trunk of an elephant. I'm told this isn't something you accomplish on a "freelance" salary.
  4. 4.
    All the things the kid did in blank check. What a complex plot for a kids movie.
  5. 5.
    All the things Kevin did in home alone. Or maybe home alone II. Maybe both. If there's time.