1. I'm not going to lie and pretend to be cool. I made a chart of all the judges on what I know about you and things you like.
    Did I also make assumptions on what all your laughs sound like? Am I crazy? You decide.
  2. Let's take a look at how inappropriately competitive I have been over the years.
  3. The Big Family Dance
    This is my family's March Madness bracket. I won three years ago, which means I got movie tickets from all competitors. I know nothing about basketball. I tell everyone I know about this.
  4. Playing Games with Children
    Look, Adrianna. You may think you're gonna win this karaoke competition you forced me to do, but I'm the one that is getting a BFA in singing. Your version of Stitches or whatever it's called will NOT beat my version of Price Tag.
  5. Murder Mystery Parties
    If I am not the first person to correctly guess the murderer, I will literally murder every other guest. That includes you, Aunt Clara. If I am the murderer, I will not be found out. I will be sneaky. And I will literally murder every other guest. Still includes you, Aunt Clara.
  6. My Dad
    Andy J, I will beat you up this hill. I'm spry, and I wore the right shoes. I worked nights in the Applebee's kitchen as a dishwasher to earn enough money to pay Usain Bolt for personal race training.
  7. Christina Tong
    My two greatest accomplishments in high school: beating Christina Tong in a debate where I got to see her grasping at straws against my powerful and passionate speech on health care reform in the Ukraine. The other was beating Christina Tong in Spirit Week with a skit about Lucky Charms.
  8. This Damn List App Competition
    The bragging rights in my bio, the potential new followers, and the coveted gift basket. I want nothing more in this word than that gift basket.