MY PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION

@erikaaa this list took a turn.
  1. Alright let's be realistic about this.
  2. It's not going to take very long.
  3. I will attend the Head of the Charles Regatta rowing competition in the fall, where I will meet the love of my life.
  4. His name will be Henry and he will come from a very good family.
  5. Little do I know, he is in fact a Kennedy. Henry Kennedy.
    It's a family name. He's Henry the V.
  6. Because of my grounded personality and okay bloodline (no direct incest!), his mother takes a keen liking to me.
  7. Henry and I are wed the following autumn.
    Just beautiful, honestly.
  8. Because of our shared passion for polo and dressage, we start our own country club.
    Thoroughbreds only, of course.
  9. At a charity luncheon, I happen on a fascinating conversation about the future of America's relationship with Russia.
    The men are always talking shop at luncheons. You can take a senator out of the senate...
  10. "Hannah, what're your thoughts on the topic?"
  11. "Well, I think we haven't been very good at showing love to any of our fellow countries. Allies or not, they all deserve a good meal and friendly company."
  12. "Brilliant! We'll have Putin and the President for dinner next week." I hear Henry behind me.
  13. "Henry, have you been keeping government secrets from me again?"
  14. He bashfully concedes.
  15. Henry had been doing some side work as a senior advisor to the President.
  16. That Henry can never get enough of the limelight.
  17. Henry and I slave in the kitchen all day, which is something our guests aren't used to. But we're homegrown, and we'll stay that way! No amount of money is going to make an apple pie like I can.
  18. Over dinner, Putin starts to have an anxiety attack.
    He's not used to warm company and intimate conversation.
  19. I immediately run over to him and help him out of his chair and onto the couch.
  20. I have him lie down as I lead him through some breathing exercises.
  21. "Hannah, I feel so much better. Thank you."
  22. Putin confides in me he's been having these attacks since obtaining nuclear codes.
  23. "Hannah, I know it's a big favor..."
  24. "—of course. I will take the codes."
  25. Putin is relieved.
  26. After dinner, I was washing dishes with the President of the United States of America.
    Guests are encouraged to take part in the rituals of dinner parties in our home.
  27. "Hannah, is there something on your mind?"
  28. "Y'know, there is. And I think it's something I need to keep to myself to keep you safe."
  29. The President obliges. What a polite man.
  30. In fact, I don't tell anyone what the codes are.
  31. Everyone simply knows that I'm keeping the leaders of our world safe and mentally healthy.
  32. And so they name me the Queen of the World: the Fairest and Truest.
  33. Do I get anxious about holding the codes? Sometimes.
  34. But it's nice to have Henry by my side every step of the way.
  35. And of course, our therapy dog, Lincoln.