SODAS AS PEOPLE 🏀

  1. Coke
    Coke was obviously the "All-American" jock in high school. He and Cherry Coke dated for a while, but then Coke got really into drugs. Mostly heroin. He worked in my dad's car garage for a while. It was weird.
  2. Cherry Coke
    The head cheerleader to Coke's quarterback. There's a rumor she got a boob job for her sweet sixteen. Cherry Coke went through an experimental lesbian phase in college.
  3. Vanilla Coke
    Oh, Vanilla Coke. She's pretty bookish and enjoys nights in with her cat, Felicity. In the summer, she likes wearing overalls and making iced tea. It's pretty good, she made some for that Memorial Day party last year.
  4. Diet Coke
    Diet Coke is sexy, nobody can deny it. She's classic, smart, and wears an LBD like nobody else. Pepsi asked for her phone number once, and she legit slapped him across the face. It was so cool.
  5. Diet Coke with Lime
    Ugh, Diet Coke with Lime. She was the one that studied abroad in Barcelona and will NEVER stop talking about it. Also she's a vegan that does crossfit. Know how I know?
  6. Pepsi
    Pepsi was a punk kid who ended up in juvie. He went to military school, and it totally straightened him out. He became passionate about law. His mom is really happy about it.
  7. Diet Pepsi
    Diet Pepsi is a total gossip. Her dad invented novelty straws, so she's pretty spoiled. But she took us all to Miami for spring break one year! She cries when she's drunk. And made us all go to a Pitbull concert. But it was still fun, I guess.
  8. Dr. Pepper
    Dr. Pepper is loved by all the ladies. And for good reason, he is so charming. Like, even my mom has a crush on him. He's also a DJ now, which is like, so hot.
  9. Mountain Dew
    Mountain Dew feels uncomfortable talking about feminism. He's an assistant manager at a Pizza Hut, so he always mansplains how supply and demand works. He would've gone pro in basketball if he hadn't torn his ACL. His words, not mine.
  10. Seven Up
    Total nerd, really into code. He also hosts a Dungeons and Dragons thing every week. He won a hot dog competition once and then tried to hit on me...nothing is hotter than someone who just ate 60 hot dogs.